A Guide To The Different National Cuisines
JAPANESE – Simple materials used with elegance; the emphasis is on presentation and visual effect; the etiquette of the servers is exceptional.
Key words and phrases – tearful apologies at press conferences, deep bowing, the same person resigning on multiple occasions, no panties shabu shabu, suspicious suicides, lack of clarity about where the money went, nobody involved gets rich.
Three star recommendations – Yamaichi Sushi, Itoman Broiled Eel, Olympus Noodle Bar.
AMERICAN – Quantity is quality here. Ingredients may be low grade, but ample lashings of flavorsome ripoff sauce will overwhelm the palate. Tipping (a seven figure sum is standard) guarantees service with a smile. The alphabet soup is best avoided.
Key words and phrases – sixty foot yacht, outstanding Sharpe ratio, CEO to be next secretary of the treasury, ice sculpture of Michelangelo’s David urinating vodka, Nobel prize for economics, exclusive escort service, everyone involved gets rich.
Three star recommendations – The Enron Grill, Bernie’s Original Burgers, The Raj Mahal.
CHINESE – Different regions have different culinary styles, but all have an extraordinary ability to conjure up a sumptuous feast from next to nothing.
Key words and phrases – special price for party officials, mistress in penthouse in Hong Kong, backdoor listing on US stock exchange, regular trips to Macau, CEO has disappeared, assets overstated, assets do not exist, company does not exist.
Three star recommendations – too many to mention.
FRENCH – A glorious tradition carried on today by a small number of master-chefs often described (by themselves) as geniuses.
Key words and phrases – Ecole Nationale, derivatives trading desk, mistress in villa in Marrakesh, links with intelligence service, Picasso collection, close friend of the president, we are not Italy.
Three star recommendations – Chez Kerviel, Le Manoir Lyonnais, La Brasserie de Clearstream.
ITALIAN – A national pastime, always performed con brio. Recipes are handed down in families from generation to generation. Almost everyone, from high ranking figures in business and politics to humble shop-owners, is capable of devising a mouth-watering treat.
Key words and phrases – Phone taps, tax-revenues-to-GDP ratio, roll-over, comb-over, facelifts, mistress given seat in European parliament, we are not Greece.
Three star recommendations – Osteria del Bunga Bunga, Trattoria Draghi, Nero’s Place.
GREEK – Heavy fare, can be difficult to digest, especially if you are German. Don’t miss the traditional plate-smashing, which can often turn into a spontaneous street-party of window-smashing and bonfires. The euro-fudge dessert is a must.
Key words and phrases– early retirement, voluntary haircuts, more Porches per capita than London, our liabilities are your assets, back to the beach, who stole our gold anyway.
Three star recommendations – Papa’s Moussaka, Euripedes Taverna, Chateau de Fault.